Do you try to maintain harmony in your relationships, but often feel as though your own needs are not met?  Are you giving up your needs to please someone else?

  You may be an accommodator.  One of the predominant conflict styles is accommodating, and   people who accommodate have a desire to bring harmony into relationships; cooperation is their primary goal.  Unfortunately, accommodators often sacrifice their own dreams to put others’ needs first. As a result, accommodators say “yes” when they want to say “no”, they allow people to take advantage of them, and they feel as though they never do anything right.  It is impossible to please everyone, so the end result is frustration.   

Accommodators can address these negative feelings by becoming more assertive.  The hesitation is that they feel assertiveness will shatter the delicate balance of peace they have created.  However, there is a difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness.  Being aggressive can step on the rights of others.  Conversely, assertiveness is a polite, yet firm, expression of needs and perspectives.  Set personal boundaries and let others know them.  Remember, you have a right to your opinions and beliefs, and they are as important as others’ viewpoints.  Becoming more assertive will help you develop self-confidence and allow you to have your needs met.