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Dealing with conflict

I’ve had people ask me why some people are better able to cope with being treated poorly, while others carry that hurt with them for years? I have developed a Theory that tries to answer the question of how home people can cope with Workplace Bullying while others carry the hurt for years.

Several years ago, I conducted research to determine why some people were able to cope with the experience of being bullied at work, while others simply could not overcome the mistreatment.  My research resulted in the Theory of Enlightened Transformation, which determined five behaviors that separate victims from survivors. 

Survivors possess self-confidence.  They know that what happened to them does not define who they are or what they can accomplish. 

Survivors accept what has happened and move on. Victims continue to search for reasons they were treated poorly and wonder if they did something to warrant this.

Survivors become advocates for others, as they reach out and ask “how can I help”.  Conversely, victims look to others for help, and they try to change the bully.

Survivors realize they do not have the power to change others, and they cannot change what happened to them.  Their power comes from changing their reaction to the situation, and they strive to let go of blame and anger. 

Finally, survivors tend to develop empathy for the bully instead of seeking revenge.   

Moving from victim to survivor does not mean condoning the bad behavior of others.  However, practicing Enlightened Transformation allows us to not only survive, but also to thrive.